Monday, July 19, 2010

A Day at a Time.

Yesterday was a very bad day.
With RSD, one will have good and bad days.

Saturday was great. My pain level was low, and I pushed myself to do as much as I possibly could.  A big mistake.
Yesterday, I was laid up from exhaustion, my leg throbbing and burning.  My arm was in unbearable pain.  As a result, my fight or flight response was in high gear.  My heart felt as if it was going to jump out of my chest, and at times I felt like I couldn't breath.
I still had to be a mom, too.  My significant other works all day on Sundays, so it was my sole duty to take care of our 22 month old.  I brought him out side to play.  I should know by now not to turn your back for one second on your child, but I did to get a start on picking up the yard.  Two seconds later, he was down the driveway and headed for the street. With every bit of strength I had in me, I ran after him, forgetting what pain I was in.
I brought him inside, and broke down.  For a breif moment, I thought to myself, if I had known I was 'going to be this sick, I would not have had a child, it is not fair to him'.  What a terrible thing to feel...  to think.  But there is truth to that.  It isn't fair to him. As much as I love him, what if I wasn't able to catch up to him?  I was sick to my stomach with fear.  The prospects of my future seemed dire.

 But I can not allow thoughts like that consume me. Not now, and not ever.  Any parent with a chronic condition needs to remember this- no your child did not ask for 'this'- but neither than you.  And it does not, and will never change how much you love you child.  Make the best of every day...  and that is what I try to do.  Make the best of each day- and remember to take care of yourself. Because if you are not feeling good, than you can not give your best...
Some people forget that... even me.

But I digress (as always).
A new 'thing' started last night.  I started having a hissing noise in my ears.  Only sometimes.  I looked it up today, and was surprised to find out it was tinnitus.  Can be caused by RSD as shown here.
I have made an appointment with my GP for Weds.  I am looking to change my pain mangement doctor to either a new pain management center, or another RSD specialist. They may be an hour our of my way, but I can't keep up with this.

A RSD support group-
Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Support Network

Book of the Day

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