Sunday, October 24, 2010

-Wearing Down-

When you live with pain, you learn to run on pure adrenaline to get you through the day... or at least that is how my body is coping.  I don't do a whole lot, most days.  I wake up, have breakfast with my family, take a nap, then get the few things I need to to get done for the day, whether it is running a couple errands, or just checking some messages on the computer. I also have my son to take care of, and as any parent knows, every toddler has there moment.  But I get through the day, and I'm sore, but still unable to sleep.
Today, I experienced something I very rarely feel these days.  Pure out of breath, barely able to move exhaustion.  Even after napping.  What changed?  I had company, and we ran an errand, and I also pushed myself a little but harder to keep up to her pace- taking her dogs out to play with them, chasing my son around. I sat down half as much I am used too. 
Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.  The adrenaline was gone, and  I was scared and sore... this wasn't a panic attack (I have had those).  This felt like I had run 20 miles while carrying 100lbs on my back.  The moment I sat down, I was done for. 
It has taken my 4 hours and some to start to feel some what normal.  I'm still exhausted.  I'm not tired, just fatigued.  It's days like this I wish I could show the doctor what was going on....  It's days like today that I can't stand the uncertainty. Is this the RSD... no.  Is it a result of chronic pain... I highly doubt it.  But for now, that is all I have.

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