Since being diagnosed,I have had a terrible time with doctors, either over medicating, not listening, or not being available. I had to switch doctors, and start the process all over again- and it took me over 7 years to get the first diagnoses because I was just living with the pain, and the doctors kept telling me it was all in my head.
Now I have a son, and I have a terrible time particapting in his life... The waiting and the pain are just exhausting. I try so hard to keep my spirits up, but it's just getting harder every day. There are no local support groups here, and I only have my mom and fiance as local support.
I've started just napping toget through the day... which just makes me feel worse.
I have been depressed before and know the preventative measures to take:
- Make sure to eat at least three meals a day
- Try and get a good nights rest
- Limit naps
- Excersise
- Keep Social Company
- Use positive thinking
These are just the basic. I've been going through the motions. But it is just that- they're just motions. I eat, whether I'm hungry or not. I try and sleep, and stay on some kind of schedule. I try and go without naps, if I think I can function (it's getting harder everyday). Excersising- I have my limits, but I try to work around them. Social company- I get out of the house when I can. Positive thinking.... I have hope... that is one I always will need to work on.
I just wish I knew why I felt like giving up more and more. When I say give up, what I mean by that is, well many things. I wish my family didn't have to take responsibility for me. I want to just go somewhere where they could figure stuff out. I hate the way I see my family worry about me. I hate watching my son grow up and not being able to do more for him. I know I do the best I can, but I want to do more.
I guess this would be classified as the 'guilt' aspect...
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