-Needed an Emotion Vacation-

After my last post, I was a bit shaken up.  Between the let down at the pain management center, and lack of continue cooperation of my current doctors, I was feeling overwhelmed.  I have received over whelming support from many of my readers and other friends to continue writing.  I want to thank them all for making me feel like this is not all for nothing.
 I have had some more appointments with my neurologist, pain management doctor close to home, psychiatrist, and called my General Practitioner, to keep up to date with all my medications, tests, and any other new symptoms, feelings, progress of any kind.
The doctors are fine, but I always get this feeling from their staff that they are treating me like some addict looking to score.  It's a terrible way to feel on top of the pain I am already feeling.  And then talking about it in some support groups, I am constantly being badgered by one or two individuals who aren't fully educated, or have some notion that everyone that takes narcotics must be some addict.
Well, I want to set the record straight.  Not everyone who takes narcotics is an 'addict', just like everyone who drinks is not an 'alcoholic'.
My medication is closely monitored.  There are reasons that I am currently being treated with narcotics:

• I'm epileptic, which limits a lot of the medications for nerve pain that I can take.  My neurologist does not want to mess with my seizure medication right now because I haven't had a breakthrough seizure in over 2 months.  Considering the lack of sleep, and stress, that is pretty remarkable.
• I have had an allergic to Dilantin, called Steven-Johnson Syndrome.  This makes doctors prescribing medications very nervous, because a lot of medication is in the same 'class' family.
• Considering the medications I am already on for epilepsy, anxiety, and depression, there was not a lot of different 'class' families for the doctors to choose from at this time.

Medicine Class System

Now, I can't explain this to every nurse, or every person.  So I live with the dirty looks, the comments.  I am very aware that addiction is a possibility.  My father was an alcoholic, not an mean drunk, just a quiet alcoholic.  I am also aware that this fact increases my risks of addiction.  This is why I have been so diligent with my doctors, keeping my family involved in every aspect of my treatment, and taking the time to take care of myself.

In the mean time,  the doctors search for a new answer, or at least start to work together, and will work on getting me off the narcotics.

In the mean time, I've started to use a cane.  I only use it when I go out of the house, where their is the possibility that I will be walking or on my feet for most of the day. The dramatic change in how people treat me is mind numbing.  

They offer me their seats, hold the door for me.  I know these are just gestures of kindness, but I was brought of to never feel any different than any other person (any normal person).  To never let my disability hold me back.  And I'm starting to feel myself being left behind.